Meditation Rebellion

by blogasana on May 17, 2010

After my meditation weekend, surely my daily sit will be a snap. Consistent and blissful. I’ll rush to the cushion every morning and sit like a buddha for 30 minutes without moving.

This is perhaps just a slight exaggeration of how I felt at the end of my Silent Meditation Weekend. I mean, it was so amazing. I “got it” again—why sitting is so critical for my sanity and peace of heart. I am more clear and connected. More spacious.

Then why, whhyyyy is it that in the two weeks since my revelation weekend my meditation has been utter crap? I’m fidgety, tormented, daydreaming, and cutting it short.

It reminds me of my early 20′s relationships where after a time of increased vulnerability and intimacy, there would be a pulling back and withdrawing. Almost like the new level of closeness was too scary.

Maybe this is my meditation immaturity.

In struggling these last two weeks, only one thing has helped: giving my mind something to focus on, something to distract it. There are hundreds of techniques like this, this one just happens to work for me.

In that hope, I share it with you.

Let me know how it goes.

Body Meditation [click to play!]

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

yogaquest May 18, 2010 at 10:07 pm

I can relate. I put a chapter from Pema up on my blog today – she asks – what is underlying the fidgit, the restlessness, daydreaming? What is it you’re afraid to experience, to see? For me, the strong emotion, the rage, the FEAR of course. So this morning when we spoke you mentioned sadness emerging from the belly exploration this weekend. Maybe your incredible meditation weekend chipped away at some layers that then brought you into some newer territory. And here it is, raw, vulnerable. Then again, maybe it’s just that fear, emotion, craziness that we all are, swirling about conscious and unconscious, ready to meet up with us again and again each time we come to see and be with. A very interesting quote in your post – “It reminds me of my early 20′s relationships where after a time of increased vulnerability and intimacy, there would be a pulling back and withdrawing. Almost like the new level of closeness was too scary.” hmmm…..

You are a treasure. Thank you for sharing from such a real place. You inspire me.

Much love,

Kim
http://www.yogaquest.wordpress.com

Reply

blogasana May 19, 2010 at 2:26 am

oh friend, thank you for the beautiful thoughts. you touch on many truths here….
yes, afraid to experience strong emotion – intensity. me too. there IS something in the belly for me!
i love reading the poems and thoughts you post… thanks for checking in here.
love you

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