seasons, cycles, spirals

by michelle on October 29, 2012

I recently heard the idea that the body, mind, and psyche (some part of or as a whole?) remember, and to some extent, re-experience past trauma and grief at the same time every year. (I wonder if this applies to joys as well?) Even if we don’t consciously remember the incident or situation, we can experience similar sensations and emotions around the time of year the event occurred. The body remembers.

This season last year was a difficult time for me.

Part of this phenomenon, of course, involves markers that call forth memories: anniversaries, holidays, the way the light is. Yet, I have been experiencing what feels like more. I have been struck by seemingly random waves of grief and other strong emotions, and at times it feels as though I am reliving the questions and fears of last year.

While I don’t believe that anyone involved in a divorce “gets over” the dismantling of a family, we are incredibly adaptive creatures and life offers its version of a New Normal. Life goes on.

spiraling

I’ve been relating this to the image of the spiral. The idea that we continue to circle back around — in the cycle of a year, through our own internal seasons and processes — each time seeing and relating to the object (event, person, emotion, etc.) from a slightly different vantage point. We might be looking at the same thing but seeing it differently.

Perhaps every year as I circle by fall, some part of me will revisit the feelings and changes that took place last year. I hope through each cycle the picture becomes broader and more complete, relating to it softer and forgiving. Clear seeing is not easy or comfortable, but may sometimes be all we can ask.

 

How about you? Do you re-experience griefs or joys? What images or ideas are helpful?

 

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